Gym Rule #1 - Don't Make Eye Contact

I've been going to the gym now for about 3 months and I'm pleased to say I'm feeling the benefits (and according to my neighbour looking a little trimmer) of regular exercise. My weight has come down - I'm approaching an important landmark that I'll share with you soon - and I'm feeling fitter. My stamina at football has improved and I find I'm planning my weeks wherever possible to make sure I get to the gym at least three times a week.

But I wouldn't say I enjoy going to the gym. I enjoy the results of going but not actually going.

For one thing it's not competitive enough for me. I may have said before that I'd always considered exercise a bit futile unless I was chasing a ball - football, tennis and so on. I suspect I'm not the only one who thinks this way because the gym have recently introduced the 'Tour de France' to the exercise cycles: offering to record our times and distances covered and mapping these against the race schedule. Likewise we can 'row across Lake Superior' and 'climb Mount Kilimanjaro' whilst remembering 'it's not a race'.

Secondly, it appears the first rule of the gym is 'thou musn't make eye contact with thy fellow exercisers'. Now don't get me wrong, I don't see the gym as a social club, I don't want to chatter and I don't want others to, but must we all walk around looking at the carpet? Can't we at least acknowledge one another - a nod of the head, a smile, a wink? OK, maybe not a wink.

Then there's the 'audio and visual entertainment'. Audio means the local commercial radio station - or worse still BBC Radio 1 - so loud I can hear it from the car park. Even with my iPod on I can hear every minute of the inane drivel spouted by the presenters.

Visual refers to the two tiny tv sets that show alternately BBC and ITV1 with subtitles. During the week this means The Weakest Link and Goldenballs. Saturday mornings are even worse when we are treated to 2 hours of food and alcohol courtesy of the Saturday Kitchen. I know I don't have to watch but it's become an involuntary act. Years ago I used to do a lot of travel up and down the country by coach and, as a result, have seen the film An Elephant Called Roly 28 times - I didn't want to watch it but it was on and I couldn't look away.

I'm told there are plans for a refit - but in the current economic climate I'm not going to hold my breath - but anyway that won't address the 'eye contact' situation: maybe I'll follow my own earlier advice and 'be the change ...'. Maybe.